Humor
Save a Horse?
Old Squeaky Cheeks, a long time dancer at the club was easily impressed by the cowboys that came in. She decided that one day soon she was going to try horseback riding.
So she starts saving her tips to buy new boots, a hat and such. She starts playing more country music during her sets on stage. Then one fine summer day she decides it is time, and heads off to try her hand at riding a horse.
Things go pretty well at first, she's enjoying the gentle sway, the light breeze on her face, the crystal blue skies above. But then things start to go wrong. She starts slipping in the saddle, her feet get tangled in the stirrups, it seems like the horse doubles its pace - she starts to panic!
Luckily, though, the Wal-Mart greeter saw it happen and quickly pulled the plug.
Why does Mary Kay, the cosmetics queen, walk funny?
Her lipstick.
Three Wishes
Three of the dancers save up their tips to take a nice vacation on a cruise ship. A lovely time at first, but a tropical storm comes up and the ship is damaged and starts to sink. They manage to get in a lifeboat together and end up washing ashore on a small island. While walking along the beach to scout out the place, kicking the sand in frustration, the unearth an old, battered, oil lamp.
"Just like in the fairy tales" one says, as she gives it a quick rub. Sure enough, a cloud of smoke and there before them is a genie. "I have only 3 wishes to grant, young ladies. So, you will each get one."
He turns to the brunette. "And what do you desire, my dear?" She says "I wish I was back at home in Utah with my baby and cats." POOF and she's gone.
The genie turns to the redhead. "And for you, my lovely?" With no hesitation she responds "I wish I was back at Pinky's with my friends and favorite customers." POOF and she's gone.
Finally, it is the blonde's turn. "You have the honor of the third and final wish. What do you desire?" She hems and haws a bit, scratches her head, perplexed as to what to choose. "Gee, this is difficult. I wish my friends were still here to help me decide." POOF
How's the Weather?
DeVoid Smith stumbles out of Pinky's and heads to the bus stop, disappointed that once again he's got no date for friday night. He gets on the bus and sits next to a dapper looking middle-aged gentleman. They get to chatting, and DeVoid tells his tale of romantic woe.
The older fellow nods knowingly, and say's "Watch me, I'll give you some hints."A block or two later an attractive young woman boards the bus and walks past our heroes. The gentleman softly says "Tickle your ass with a feather?" The lady glares in horror, demanding "What did you say?" The gentleman responds "I said 'particular nice weather'" The woman calms down, her ruffled feathers smoothed over. "Yes, a nice evening" and she heads for a seat.
Another few stops, and once again a nice looking woman get on, and the scenario is repeated.
"Tickle your ass with a feather?"
"What did you say?"
I said "Particular nice weather"
"Oh, yes" as she continues to her seat.
Another short jaunt, and DeVoid is wondering how this is going to end. Next stop a beautful woman gets on, the gentleman asks his question, and this time the lady sits down next to them and starts chatting. DeVoid is amazed at the gentleman's smoothness and cool. They get off together at the next stop.
Devoid can hardly wait to try this out himself. A few blocks later he gets his chance. As the woman approaches his seat he tries to remember the line. "Scratch your ass with a stick?" he says as the woman walks by.
"What did you say?!"
"Uh, you think it's going to rain?"
